What This Means to Me
by Indelible Evidence
Summary: For some reason, Kurt had never considered that Jane would get over him faster than he got over her, and he'd been obsessing ever since, wondering if he'd missed his only chance. He should have made his feelings clear sooner, and it was his own damn fault he hadn't. But then Jane visited his apartment, and none of it mattered anymore. Jeller tag to 2x18


**Author's Note: **The weekend rewatch I'm doing with some Tumblr friends got to episode 2x18 the other week, and the ending just begged for a smutty tag. And yup, it's yet more smut from Kurt's point of view, because for some reason that's where I seem to end up lately. Don't ask me why I've written so much NSFW stuff recently - it just seems to have been a mood for January!

* * *

"When someone's really right for you, you make room."

Jane's bruises throbbed and her head ached, but what Zapata was saying made sense. Oliver had ditched her as soon as he could after he'd seen the real Jane Doe—or should that be 'shades of Remi Briggs'?—and Jane's hope for a normal relationship had been crushed. Even so, part of her was relieved. In a crisis, Oliver's reactions had been frustratingly slow, and had almost cost them both their lives. It had only served to highlight the differences between them, even though they'd both been hiding family secrets.

They weren't a good fit, no matter how attractive Jane found him, or how much she wished things were different.

Only now she'd be back to spending her nights home alone, worrying about Roman and channel-surfing, bored out of her mind and counting the hours until work. _Great._

She'd barely finished digesting Tasha's comment when Kurt's voice cut in. "Jane."

She glanced up, startled, to find him standing by the elevator.

"Come with me, please."

He was so serious, his words so formal, that alarm bells rang in her head. What was this about? Was he about to lecture her for getting kidnapped because of a romantic relationship? If so, she'd have more than a few words to say to him in reply.

After murmuring a goodnight to Tasha, she headed over to the elevator, where Kurt hit the button to open the doors again. They stepped inside without a word, tension in the air between them.

Zero Division was on the floor below SIOC. As Kurt hit the button to take them there, Jane cleared her throat.

"I, uh… I guess I should apologise for today. Rescuing me probably wasn't the best use of FBI time or resources."

Kurt turned to face her, frowning. "You don't have to apologise, Jane. You couldn't have seen this coming. I'm just glad you had a way to get a message to us."

Jane blinked, re-evaluating the situation. If he wasn't mad at her for wasting the FBI's time, then what was this about? "Well, I'm still sorry. And so is my face." She touched her aching temple ruefully. Her bruises were probably like something out of a horror movie.

Kurt managed a small smile. "Since it's not likely that there'll be another kidnapping, I think the FBI can let you continue your relationship without fear."

Jane shifted her weight, wrapping her arms around her stomach. "Yeah, plus I just got dumped. So if it does happen again, Oliver is on his own."

Kurt gave her a look she was at a loss to interpret. There was some sympathy in there, but that was all she could get out of it. "I'm sorry, Jane. It's his loss."

Attempting a smile, Jane shrugged and stared at the bottom of the elevator doors. "Thanks. After what happened today, I'm not exactly surprised. I didn't exactly show him my best side, killing several people in front of him."

"You say that like you weren't defending yourself, _and _him." Looking a little bemused now, Kurt beckoned for her to follow as he left the elevator. "You shouldn't be ashamed of that part of you. It's kept you alive this long."

Jane was too tired and achy to process his words properly, but she appreciated his intention to make her feel better. "Yeah, I guess. Thanks."

Kurt slowed as they approached Roman's cell, and Jane became even more confused. "Kurt, what's this about?"

He just smiled and gestured to the door—the one that led directly inside the cell, not the visiting area on the other side of the transparent wall. "You'll see."

His tense, serious demeanour had faded now—had it really been because he'd thought she was still dating Oliver? And why did that possibility make her want to smile? _Oh, you know why._

Hesitantly, Jane reached for the door and pulled, finding it unlocked.

Her confusion became alarm as she realised Roman was wearing street clothes instead of prison scrubs, and that Dr. Sun and Nas were already inside the cell. With a glance backwards at Kurt, who seemed unconcerned, she stepped forward, asking Roman, "What is this? What's going on?"

"They're, uh…they're putting me on house arrest." Roman lifted one foot, tilting it to show her the electronic tagging band fastened around his ankle. With a subdued but genuine smile, he told her, "I'm getting out."

Jane was speechless. After everything that had happened over the last twenty-four hours— the kidnap, the hostage situation, several gruelling physical fights, then the end of her relationship with Oliver—this new development was slow to sink in.

Behind her, Kurt spoke, and Jane turned to gaze at him, stunned. "He's gonna go home with you, stay at the safehouse."

Jane caught her breath, looking from Kurt to her brother as Dr. Sun elaborated, addressing Roman. "There are conditions to the deal. You'll report with Jane to SIOC every morning, to continue your mandatory sessions with me, and you'll return to the safehouse every night. All other movements are restricted. You're still in FBI custody; that has not changed."

Jane barely managed to take in the details, her smile growing along with Roman's as the conditions were laid out. When Dr. Sun was finished, she beamed at her brother, overwhelmed with joy. "You're getting out."

"I'll see you tomorrow," Roman told Dr. Sun and Nas, stepping towards Jane.

Jane stepped aside to let her brother leave the cell first, her eyes falling on Kurt again. He was smiling at her, warmth in his gaze, and she became certain it was him who'd pulled the strings to allow this to happen.

_Kurt… I don't… Why would you…?_

It didn't matter why. All that mattered was that he had. She wanted to throw her arms around him, but it would have been unprofessional, with Dr. Sun and Nas standing right there.

"Thank you," she told him, her voice wavering as tears approached. "You have no idea what this means to me."

His face blurred in her vision as he gently told her, "I have _some_ idea."

Jane wanted to say more, but she was too overwhelmed to put her feelings into words. Instead, she tried to smile through her tears of joy, then turned to Roman, who had paused in the hallway, waiting for her.

Seeing her tears, he put his arm around her as they walked down the hall, the agents assigned as his protective detail trailing along behind. "Rough day, huh, sis?"

"Yeah," she admitted. "But I'm feeling better already."

* * *

Late that night, Kurt stared blankly at the TV, his mind still on Jane—and on Oliver. He'd only met the guy on two occasions—Nas had handled most of the New York side of the mission, while Kurt had been pondering how best to deal with Roman's retreat into himself.

Kurt had only briefly been there to welcome Jane back and tell her he was glad she was safe, and it had seemed polite to address her boyfriend as well, outlining what the process would be for taking his statement. After that, he'd retreated to his office for a while.

What had Jane seen in Oliver Kind? From what Nas had said, the guy had been traumatised by what had happened, which was the opposite of what Kurt had expected Jane would want in a man. Maybe she just had a thing for Australian accents, and had overlooked everything else.

Either way, her attempt at dating him had been an unpleasant shock to Kurt's system. Even though he'd been the one forcibly pushing Jane away after he'd discovered she wasn't Taylor, and it had taken months to finally start thinking of her as a friend again after her return, Jane had always held a piece of his heart. He'd always assumed he had a piece of hers, too—the looks she gave him sometimes had suggested that, even when he'd been so angry he could hardly bear to speak to her.

But as his own relationship with Nas had come to an end, he'd realised Jane had given up on him. His heart had fractured when she'd admitted she had a date, and he'd lain awake that night, wondering if Jane was sleeping in the arms of another man.

For some reason, he'd never considered that Jane would get over him faster than he got over her, and he'd been obsessing ever since, wondering if he'd missed his only chance, knowing he had no right to be jealous. He should have made his feelings clear sooner, and it was his own damn fault he hadn't.

But now her relationship was over, and Kurt couldn't figure out the best course of action. His heart insisted that he should go to Jane immediately, and claim her before anyone else could come along and take her from him. His mind was more civilised, reminding him that he had no right to claim her like a piece of baggage at the airport. She could decide for herself what she wanted, and if she didn't feel inclined to give him another shot, then he was just gonna have to get over it.

Not only that, but she was probably hurting over Oliver's rejection, and she'd need time to get over that before she'd be in any state to think about romance again.

_Breaking up with Jane Doe? I knew he was a loser when I first met him, but Oliver Kind has no idea what he's missing out on._

Then again, Kurt was infinitely grateful the guy hadn't fallen in love with her on the spot. Now all he had to do was figure out how—and when, and where—to let Jane know that he was still interested.

Sighing, he reached for the remote and turned off the TV, then stood up and stretched. The irrational, urgent impulse to call Jane was wearing on his nerves, and all he could really do was sleep it off.

He was two steps into heading for the bedroom when a knock at his apartment door made him frown.

Last night, Zapata had been on his doorstep, wanting to discuss Reade and his drug use. Tonight, it could be any one of his team members, for a variety of reasons—yet Kurt's immediate thought was of a couple of weeks ago, when Jane had brought him beer and kept him company on a night when he'd been feeling very alone.

Jane would be enjoying her first night with Roman at the safehouse, and there was no way she'd be here tonight. Yet his heart still hoped.

When he opened the door to actually find Jane standing there, he had to take a moment to adjust. "Jane. Hi."

"Hey." She smiled up at him. "Sorry it's kinda late. Do you mind if I come in for a second?"

"No. Come on in." He stepped back, then closed the door once she was through. "Everything okay? I thought you'd be with Roman tonight."

Jane tucked her hair behind her ear, seeming a little nervous. For the hundredth time since he'd laid eyes on the bruises streaking across her face, Kurt wanted to cradle her head in his hands and kiss them all better.

"Yeah, everything's fine. He fell asleep on the couch after we ate, and his detail's outside and everything, so I thought I'd be okay to leave him for an hour or two."

He stepped closer, trying to read her expression. "So you came here? Not that I'm not happy to see you—I just wasn't expecting you."

She bit her lip, hesitating, and as he gazed into her hazel eyes, he willed his heart to stop pounding. There was always an undercurrent of unacknowledged tension between them when they were alone together, but tonight the atmosphere seemed supercharged.

"I, um… I wanted to thank you properly. For what you did for Roman and me today. Earlier I was kinda struggling to process everything, but now it's all sunk in, and Nas and Dr. Sun aren't staring at me, I think I can do better."

He smiled. "You don't have to say anything, Jane. It was good to see you so happy."

Jane stepped closer, and the look in her eyes made his thoughts stall. He'd seen that look before, right before she'd—

She pressed her lips to his, her hand softly caressing the side of his neck, and Kurt couldn't do anything but drag her closer, ending the kiss only to initiate a second, deeper and more intense. Jane made a small, needy noise that sent a jolt straight to his cock, but Kurt allowed himself only one more hungry kiss before drawing back, searching her expression.

"Thank you, Kurt. Thank you so much." The desire in her eyes made a primal part of him thrash to get free. He wanted to carry her to the bedroom, tear off her clothing and sink deep into her, fuck her until she cried out his name with passionate abandon.

_No._

He forced himself back under control, gently kissing the bruise on her jaw. "Is that why you're doing this? To thank me?"

He was pretty sure he already knew what her answer would be, but he wanted to be sure.

She looked up at him reproachfully. "No. Not really."

"Then why are you?" He softened the interrogation by trailing kisses over her bruised temple, down to her cheekbone.

Jane took a deep breath, seeming distracted by his lips. _Good._

"I kissed you because there's still something between us. Something we never got to have, because of me. And I didn't want to wait for something else to—"

He pressed his lips to hers again, cutting off the rest of the explanation he hadn't really needed. Jane melted against him, kissing him back with just as much longing as he'd been feeling for her.

They still weren't done talking, so he pulled back with an effort. "I would have come to you first, but I thought you'd need a little longer to get over Oliver."

Jane shook her head with a sheepish shrug. "He was all wrong for me."

Kurt couldn't help but smile at the thought that she was here because he was right for her.

"I missed this," she whispered, and kissed him again.

Kurt groaned against her lips as she tilted her hips against him, seeking something to rub against and finding him uncomfortably hard for her. Somehow, he managed to keep a clear enough head to trail his lips across her neck, asking between kisses, "What do you want from me tonight, Jane?"

She curved her hand around the back of his head, encouraging him to keep kissing her bird tattoo. "I can only stay a couple of hours, but I did peek into your bedroom when I was here the other week, and your bed looks like it'd be fun to visit for a while…"

His imagination filling with images of Jane in his bed, Kurt fleetingly considered pinching himself to make sure he hadn't fallen asleep in front of the TV. _After all this time, can this really be happening?_

He nuzzled Jane's neck, then took a step back, his hands on her waist. "Come here."

Somehow, between long, deep kisses, they managed to navigate their way to the bedroom. As much as he wanted Jane, and despite how little time they had tonight, Kurt couldn't bring himself to rush, and she seemed equally happy to take it slow. When they reached the bed, Jane began to undo the buttons on his shirt, and it really sank in that they were about to break their final unwritten rule.

_Fuck._

As she finished with his buttons, Kurt cupped her breast in his hand, rubbing his thumb over her nipple through the fabric of her shirt. Jane leaned into his touch, and he began to lose patience, quickly shrugging out of his shirt and tugging hers up over her head. Jane reached for his belt buckle the second her arms were free of the garment, and he claimed her lips again in a fiery kiss.

They left kisses over exposed skin wherever they found it, stripping down to their underwear. Jane impatiently pulled her sports bra over her head, then dragged him down to the bed with her.

He rolled them over, kissing her deep and slow, relishing the sensation of so much of her naked skin next to his. Jane moaned softly, her thumb teasing one of his nipples as she slowly writhed over him, their underwear preventing them from going too far, too fast.

"This feels so amazing," she murmured between kisses.

"Fuck, Jane…" He could feel her heat and the wetness of her arousal soaking through her underwear and his, longed to strip them both down and slide his shaft up and down her folds, with nothing in the way.

"Am I teasing too much?" she asked, lifting her head to gaze down into his face, never stopping the sensual rock of her hips against his.

"Never." He skimmed his hand over her cheek. "Take your time."

She smiled, shook her head. "I don't know how much longer I can take this."

Kurt pushed her underwear a little farther down, and Jane sighed, reluctantly sliding off him to lie down beside him. He swallowed a disappointed groan at the lack of friction and heat over his cock, but became mesmerised by the way she shimmied her black underwear down her hips, right down to her thighs, and… _Fuck._ She parted her legs to kick the panties free, and he couldn't help himself, reaching over to wet his fingers and gently circle her clit.

Jane let out a shuddering breath and spread her legs wider, murmuring his name like a prayer.

"God, Jane, I wanna taste you," he breathed in her ear.

She bit her lip, giving him a pleading look, and he laughed, beginning to trail his lips down her toned abdomen, meandering and teasing, almost reaching her mound, then changing direction again.

"Please?" she murmured, pushing on the top of his head with her hand.

When he gave in and ran his tongue up the length of her slit, Jane's thighs trembled, and she gave a vocal sigh of pleasure. Kurt was pretty sure he'd remember that moment for the rest of his life.

He focused all of his attention on her, unable to help but thrust his hips against the bed as he worshipped her with his mouth, fucked her with his fingers. The wait was almost unbearable, but he needed to satisfy her far more than he needed his own climax.

Jane grabbed a fistful of the blanket beneath them, her breaths short and frantic, and Kurt knew she was close. "Oh god, _more!"_ she gasped out, her whole body wound tight in anticipation of what was about to happen.

'More' was a concept Kurt could entirely embrace, and he redoubled his efforts, determined to take her the rest of the way.

She came with a husky cry of relief, her body shaking through an intense orgasm. As she slowly calmed, Kurt eased her down with soft, slow licks over her clit, until she murmured, "Come up here?"

He moved back up the bed into her embrace, and she gave him a breathless kiss, immediately slipping her hand into his boxer-briefs to close her fingers around his neglected cock.

Somehow, he managed to get rid of his underwear, allowing Jane to stroke him more easily. In a lustful daze, he watched her tattooed hand move over his cock, too slowly to be anything more than teasing. Then he realised she was drinking in his reaction, heat and amusement in her eyes, and that was even more enticing.

He kissed her, unable to stand the teasing any longer, then coaxed her to straddle his hips without breaking their embrace.

She slid over his shaft again, no clothing impeding their contact this time, and they both murmured wordlessly at the sensation. A slight change of angle, and any one of her teasing movements could result in him pushing into her. _Oh, fuck, I need it._

"Let me in, Jane," he begged, half out of his mind with need.

She brushed a kiss across the side of his jaw. "Make me."

For a moment, he couldn't process what she was implying. As soon as it hit him, he toppled her to the bed, then pinned her wrists to the mattress with his own hands, holding her down. She laughed up at him, giving a token struggle before going still.

"This what you want?" he asked, only half serious.

"Almost." She shifted her hips a little, and he realised it would take no more than a slow, smooth thrust to be inside her.

_Think with the big head, Weller._ "Birth control?" he managed to ask.

"Taken care of." Jane lifted her head off the pillow and gave him a brief, hard, demanding kiss.

He wished he had the self-control to keep teasing her for a while, but his patience was spent, and she was more than ready for him. He drove steadily inside her, the heat of her around his cock almost too seductive to bear.

Jane wrapped her legs around him as she took him all the way in, and he released her wrists, wanting to feel her arms around him, too. Her breathing was unsteady, her limbs trembling a little, and as he drew back to thrust, he caught sight of the smile curving her lips.

He wanted to tell her just how much this meant to him, but he couldn't find the words. Instead, he caught her lips with his as he slowly began to take her, and Jane kissed him back, giving a soft moan.

Why did this feel so intense, so vital? Ever since Jane had kissed him earlier tonight, he'd been craving her like she was air—not just her body, but her every tiny reaction to everything they did together. Needing to know she was as engrossed in the moment as he was, and relishing the connection between them just as much.

As he took her now, urgency speeding his movements and Jane's fingernails sending trails of erotic pain across his back, Kurt fought to keep control, to make this last as long as possible. Beneath him, Jane matched his rhythm perfectly, unwinding her legs from around his hips to brace her heels against the bed.

"Oh, god, Kurt…"

Sensing her need for him to take her deeper, harder, Kurt sat up, pulling Jane's feet up to rest on his shoulders. He drove into her from the new angle, unable to help but smile as she gasped.

"You okay?"

She nodded, reaching for his hand and lacing her fingers through his. "Hard. Fast. Don't stop until you come."

_Oh, fuck me._ He didn't know what was sexier: hearing her low, husky voice instructing him how she wanted to be fucked, or the burning need in her eyes as she said it. Either way, he only had one response.

"Yes, ma'am," he said, leaning down to give her a swift, searing kiss.

Then everything was a blur of mounting pleasure and frantic movement, of Jane pressing her fingers against her clit as he pounded into her, of her orgasm rippling around his cock and pushing him to the brink of coming, of her crying out with ecstasy every time he slammed into her until he lost control.

_Jane… Jane… Fuck, I love you._

_I love you so much._

And then they were entwined together, breathless kisses and soft laughter and a soul-deep satisfaction that he'd never experienced before in his life. He kept his eyes closed, knowing they would give him away if she looked into them, and attempted to find his equilibrium.

Of course, he couldn't fool her.

"Why won't you look at me?" she asked quietly, after a couple of minutes of silence. "I don't want things to be awkward between us, Kurt."

The tinges of hurt and anxiety in her voice were his downfall. Knowing he couldn't hide it any longer, he opened his eyes and gazed into her face, feeling too vulnerable, too emotionally exposed.

"It's not you, Jane. I swear."

"Then talk to me," she said, running gentle fingers down his face. Worry creased her brow.

For a moment, he was speechless, not able to find a single word to express how he felt. But then he remembered Jane's reaction earlier that night, when she'd realised he'd pulled strings to get Roman released into house arrest.

And suddenly, he had the perfect words.

"You have no idea what this means to me," he said, forcing himself to meet her eyes as he spoke.

Jane kissed him, long and sweet, with only the tiniest undercurrent of mischief. When he opened his eyes again, she was smiling, the love in her expression impossible to ignore.

"I think I have _some_ idea."


End file.
